A group of published UK-based authors and illustrators of picture books, children's and YA.

Elli Woollard: Revenge of the Darlings


On cold autumn nights when the stars are black,

And moonlight shivers in shafts,

All those poor darlings that authors have killed

Rise up from their graves in first drafts.

Their teeth are sharp, their claws are long,

Their eyes are vengeful and mean.

‘Who dared’, they screech, ‘to murder us all,

And edit us out from our scene?’

They rip up old notebooks to thousands of shreds,

And march through the menacing night,

They wait till their author is all, all alone,

Then open their jaws and they BITE!

They sink their fangs, they suck the blood,

Till the author has run out of breath.

‘Aha!’ they shriek, ‘we’re getting you back,

The rule is a death for a death!’

So authors beware on this Halloween night,

And ponder your horrible fate.

Be gentle when dealing with darlings you write,

And no edits before it’s too late.

Elli-013Elli Woollard
At the age of four Elli wrote her first picture book, involving her best friend, a tricycle accident, blood everywhere, and the author emerging as the hero. Several years later she completed an MA in social anthropology, moved out to Thailand, taught herself the language, and has since worked variously as a Thai to English translator, a copywriter for a domestic appliance insurance firm (about as interesting as it sounds) and an assistant editor in academic publishing. She now lives in London where she combines writing with freelance translation work, looking after her four children, butchering nice music on the piano and being dictated to by her deranged cat.


One comment on “Elli Woollard: Revenge of the Darlings

  1. villarhauser
    October 31, 2015

    Hysterical 🙂

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This entry was posted on October 31, 2015 by .
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