A group of published UK-based authors and illustrators of picture books, children's and YA.
Written in haste and love:
Ode To My Agent
She found me in the slush pile,
Which I never thought she would,
Her email clearly said, “Send more!”
Had I misunderstood?
I mailed it off, my precious book,
I said, “Tell me what you think,”
(But only if you like it, obvs,
Don’t tell me that it stinks.)
An hour went by, and then a day,
It had been a whole darn week,
Until my inbox made a ding
And I let out a shriek.
A message from the agent…
Would she take me on?
If she did, I’d dance a jig,
I’d sing a bloody song.
Instead she asked a question,
“Can I call you now?”
I replied with just a quiet “yes”
And screamed out “HOLY COW!”
My voice was wibbly-wobbly,
My nerves were worried thin,
I didn’t want to take the call,
What I wanted was a gin.
Instead we chitted-chatted,
We laughed, we got along,
And just before she said goodbye,
She said she’d take me on.
Had I heard right? She wanted me?
She liked my flippin’ work?
I sang the song, I danced the jig,
And afterwards I twerked.
So that was then, and here we are,
Working side-by side,
Muddling through this book life,
A truly crazy ride.
And I couldn’t be without her,
I couldn’t do this job,
If left alone I’d spin and fall,
I’d kick and punch and sob.
Because an agent tells you flatly,
When you’re latest book is crap,
And when you’re being a diva,
And what you need is a hard slap.
An agent makes you money,
To spend on stuff you like,
Unless your penchant is for jewels,
Then you best just take a hike.
It’s not about the cash, you see,
It’s not about the greens,
It’s about living in your PJs
And slobbing in your jeans.
And so we need our agents,
We need them more than gold,
To help us write our ruddy books,
And get the damn things sold.
So here I send out all the kisses,
The red roses and violets blue,
To tell you now and every day,
That Julia Churchill I LOVE YOU!
by Sarah Crossan
Sarah Crossan writes novels for children and teens. Her debut novel in verse, The Weight of Water, was shortlisted for the Carnegie medal in 2013. Breathe was nominated for the Carnegie medal in 2014. Before writing full time, Sarah worked as an English teacher. She grew up in Ireland and England and then moved to New York, where she lived for seven years. She now lives in Hertfordshire with her family where she spends most of her day writing, sipping green tea and eating far too many biscuits.